With my birthday just around the corner, I thought it’d be the perfect time to reflect on my (almost) 28 years on earth. Turning 28 feels so much different than turning 21 for example. Most people cringe at the realization that they are getting older but for me it’s quite the opposite.
I’m a long way from being the person I would ideally love to be, but I definitely feel a sense of self. In my early twenties, I questioned myself ALOT – spiritually, emotionally, etc. I second guessed so many decisions no matter how big or small. I rarely felt good enough and my flaws overtook my accomplishments. I kept a smile on my face and made it a point to be positive, but internally, I didn’t quite know who I was. Now don’t get me wrong – I still have my moments of uneasiness or self doubt, but I’m becoming more in tune with what I believe. I’m learning to accept my flaws because I know acknowledging them is the first step in ‘fixing’ them.
I’m learning that the beauty of life is that we are constantly changing and it’s okay to not have all the answers all the time. You are going to make mistakes – without them, growth is nearly impossible. I’m learning that everyone has their good and bad traits, and that’s the beauty of humans. We strive for perfection but ultimately accept that it’s just not possible. To be perfect essentially means there are no flaws, but what will we work towards then?
I’m slowly becoming more proud at the person I am today. And it’s not that I was never content before or that I disliked myself- it’s just that I didn’t have a definite answer to who I was. The fear of the unknown took away the joys of the present. I analyzed situations too much, and beat myself up over mistakes I made. The opinions of others and/or gossip made me question myself more than I’m proud to admit. I am who I am, flaws included. Embrace yourself because there is NO ONE else in the world like you. The older I get, the more I realize that letting go is an important piece to happiness. What’s done is done. Stop beating yourself up over small hiccups along the way. Look at the big picture and recognize how petty small trials can really be. Is it worth your happiness today?
I’m a work in progress, but with every new white hair that appears on my head as I get older, my sense of self is heightened. I still struggle internally just like most people but I’m learning and growing along the way. Instead of focusing on burdens, I’m trying my best to acknowledge and appreciate blessings.
I’m not perfect, and I’m beginning to love it.